fatman Find the clues!

Monday, September 17, 2007

Lame Attempt At Getting My Friend Zoe To Come Out For A Few Drinks The Other Day

Zoe: I really can't.

Me: You really should.

Zoe: I really, really can't.

Me: You're a wuss.

Zoe: Yep.

Me: Why not?

Zoe: Because I have to play netball and finish a 2,500 word essay.

Me: We can find you a substitute for netball. Does it have to be a female netball player?

Zoe: No.

Me: I'll pay a wino to take your place. You may have to give him a back rub later though.

Zoe: Ugh.

Me: I'll write your essay for you.

Zoe: 2,500 words?

Me: Yep.

Zoe: It's about Isadora Duncan. What do you know about Isadora Duncan?

Me: Heaps.

Zoe: You're lying. You don't even know who she is.

Me (defensively) : I do so.

Zoe: Go on.

Me: She...was the founder of Dunkin' Donuts?

Zoe: Not even close.

5 Comments:

Blogger Gorilla Bananas said...

Who's she trying to kid? It takes 15 minutes to write an essay with wikipedia and other stuff on the web.
You should have asked: "Is it because I am fat/ugly/hairy?" That would have shamed her into coming. Girls don't like to appear shallow.

3:42 pm  
Blogger Yawn said...

Introduce her to anal sex. That's the solution. If anal sex doesn't work, then introduce her to cocaine. Then introduce her to anal sex. Rub a little of that powder on her bunghole, make it go numb and receptive.

This girl's a prize. Play dirty if that's what it takes to win the prize. And I mean REALLY dirty. Nothing like the word from a man whose prick is coated in shit from buttfucking. Tease it out of her all frothy like. Squelch it up to more moisture. Make her squirt in the fire.

1:39 pm  
Blogger Fatman said...

GB- Tell me about it. I was a B-Grade average student at school because I'd be writing essays in the dying minutes before I had to hand it in. But now with the Internet you can whip up something semi-coherent in twenty minutes tops. Who cares about research? Some sucker has probably already done it for you and made up a fan site.

Yawn- Anal sex is your solution to everything. Zoe is kind of like a friend's kid sister. I met her when she was 16 and although she's 22 or 23 now she's permanently 16 in my mind. The first few times we went drinking together I was aghast that she consumed alcohol and had to restrain myself from slapping the drink out of her hands.

2:35 pm  
Blogger Yawn said...

No stinky on the pinky for you then. AND it's too late to rob the cradle. But yes, sodomy is a very unique and creative solution to many of life's problems. Not only that, it sometimes works....especially on herreroids, as aopposed to himmorroids. Sorry I can't spell today.

12:23 am  
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3:27 am  

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